Monster Lover
by aeg1s54545
Summary: He was a lawyer, a job that provided well until that fateful day that changed him and his life forever. Now an amputee and unemployed, he's willing to give up his home for one Monster girl to live in but get's more than he bargained for as more girls start to move in and live with him. Join Kazuma Kirihito, the man who loves monsters in literature and in life. AU OC X Harem
1. Miia

Chapter one: Miia

Disclaimer: I do not own Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou

* * *

 _9:15 A.M, Kyoto, Japan..._

He continued to snore as his alarm clock went off for what seemed like the thirtieth time in a row, the Saxon alarm going off again and and again again. He rolled over onto his stomach, his dark brown hair a messy web of short strands all pointing upwards and sideways which was an obvious sign that he liked to wear hats and that he slept in such a way for his heart to get even worse. He rolled over again, his eyelids opening to reveal his light brown eyes as he glanced at his digital alarm clock, the TARDIS from Doctor Who with the words 'MAN THE HELMS! DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!' going across the screen before making the sound of the TARDIS' engines when the Saxon alarm cut off. He yawned loudly and stretched, his spinal plates realigning before he reached for his leg and his other arm, both limbs prosthetic after an accident left the doctor unable to save the limbs and forced them to amputate. He smacked his lips and placed the remaining half of his left leg back in the socket and his arm followed, both pins clicking in place. He was just to lazy to take off the liner so he slept in it. That, and he can't sleep without it, since he was new to the whole prosthesis thing and he _really_ missed his left arm.

'Seriously need some coffee.' He thought, 'Haven't had a decent nights sleep and a nice dinner but I guess I'll have make changes to my schedule since my new guest will be here later. But before that, I need to eat breakfast, finally drink some coffee, and take a shower. Don't want to smell when she arrives, now do we?' He yawned one last time before he stood up off of his small bed that barely fit him on it and went to his dresser, grabbing a pair of jeans, his prized Dead Space T-shirt with Isaac Clarke in gray, his purple jacket, his signature crimson beanie that was a size larger than his head and reached down to his neck, socks, and a pair of striped boxers. As he passed by his cheap particle board bookcase, he picked up his glasses and walked out of his room. He walked down a flight of stairs, passing by copies of Van Goghs, Van Gogh being his favorite artist, and opened the door to the lower floor and straight into his kitchen, a simple room with a carved dining table, a refrigerator, polished wooden pantries filled to the brim with food and ingredients, a radio, an oven, a microwave, a coffee maker, and a small television with a DVD player hooked up to it. He pushed the power button on his coffee maker, added water, coffee grinds and a filter and waited.

After spending fifteen seconds watching the "interesting" event of coffee being made, he began to tap his metal fingers against his counter top before deciding to grab breakfast from his pantry. He wrapped his metal fingers around the pantry's doorknob, once again his thumb failing to even move, opened the doors with some effort, the hinges getting stuck again, and browsed his food options. "Hmmmm," he hummed, "What to eat, what to eat?" He browsed his eyes over multiple suitable breakfast foods. Cereal? Nah, not too holding. Biscuits? Don't feel like it. He backed away and browsed everything at the same time. Then he caught sight of a box with bright orange lettering at the top shelf. Cookies? Well, there are more pros for eating cookies for breakfast than there were cons. Cookies it is then!

He stood on the tips of his toes reaching for his box of cookies but came up short. He huffed and flattened his soles back on the floor, searching for a possible solution to his cookie dilemma. Then it came to him. Literally. The plastic stepladder he had next to the door fell over onto it's side and landed on his left foot without a sound. He lifted it up and set it up, going up the fist two steps and reaching for his cookies. He grabbed the box and laughed in triumph, mocking gravity and saying how if he could beat a stepladder, he could beat an escalator. As he was about to climb down, he wobbled a bit and fell forward, hitting the tiled floor, the ladder tilting and hitting his torso and small cans of peas falling down and hitting his feet, cookies scattering across the floor. He huffed in annoyance and said, "Note to self: ladders, like stairs, are an enemy to this new prosthetic user. P.S. keep all items on the lower shelves; the top shelves are hazardous to my health and are just plain evil."

He heard someone knock on his door as he lay on the warming tiled floor, three short raps against the large metal turn wheel door he found in the basement, but even though someone was at his door, he couldn't help but think 'Who in their right mind goes to a warehouse that's supposed to be abandoned?' Looks like he was skipping breakfast. Nonetheless, he stood up by grabbing onto the edge of his countertop and lifted himself with some effort, making his way through the warehouse to his front door. He descended down another spiral staircase, walked through a doorway, and strolled through the large space that was the warehouse's storage floor which he now used as his livingroom, his diningroom, his library, his lower floor bathroom, his card room, and his gaming room, which he sectioned off with walls and doors.

He passed by his livingroom, a room with a flatscreen, a gaming console, and several posters that he was gifted with after the accident. He smiled as he read his Phoenix Wright poster with the Judge going 'Please let this be a normal court case.' and other characters appearing over his shoulder, saying, 'With the Wright? No way!' With a smile, he turned the wheel on his door and opened it, despite the fact that he was in his boxers and a white T-shirt, his smile greeted by a beautiful girl. She had long bright red hair and amber eyes, with yellow 'D' clips on each side of her head and wore a yellow long sleeved shirt. (Or was it a sweater? He couldn't tell.) He stretched out his left arm, iron hand held out and all four fingers apart except for the thumb.

"I'm Kazuma Kirihito. And you must be...?" He paused, removing his outstretched hand from her reach and began to rub his temples. "I _knew_ your name at one point. It was in the letter." He stood in silence before he cackled. "Ha, the letter! I'll be right back!" A woman cleared her throat and he stopped midstride and turned around, scratching the side of his head in nervousness.

She was dressed as the typical government agent, attired in a white dress shirt with a black tie and black blazer with a professional skirt, nylon stockings and heels. She wore a pair of sunglasses to complete the look and had her long black hair that was loose and down to her stomach.

"I'm Miss Smith," she said as she handed him a folder with papers, "I am your Cultural Exchange Coordinator, Mister Kirihito." Smith gestured to the girl next to her. "And this is Miia." Kazuma gave a small wave.

"Hi." he said as awkwardly as possible.

"Hi, I'm Miia! Nice to meet you!" Miia replied.

"As you should know in the letter I sent you that you lost, Miia is a Lamia, a snake woman, and she will be staying with you since you signed up for the Cultural Exchange Between Species program." Smith said. "I'm assuming your home is large enough to hold two people." Kazuma had a sweatdrop on his forehead.

Oh no, it's not like I live in a huge warehouse by myself or anything!

Since from the waist up Miia looked human, Kazuma looked at her closer. Her ears were large, pointy and red, she had sharp fangs and also had small scales on her cheeks. Below her waist, was a long, red snake tail.

"Since she's a Lamia, Miia is reptilian which makes her a poikilotherm." Smith said as she started to gather her stuff and began to walk away from the warehouse. "If she isn't kept warm enough, her bodily functions will slow down so keep her warm. Oh, also don't forget to feed her." Smith made her way to the gate without Kazuma's notice before he looks duo from the papers and past Miia.

"Wait your just going to leave me here?!" Kazuma shouted to her. "What if I need help? I have no clue on dealing with a monster girl!"

"You'll be fine!" Smith shouted back. "You seem like you can handle yourself!" She left, just walked out the gate and left Kazuma with his new guest. He turned to Miia.

"So…" Kazuma said even more awkwardly. "What now?"


	2. Getting Aquainted

Chapter two: Getting Acquainted and Somewhere Along the Line

Disclaimer: I do not own Monster Musume no Iri Nichijou

* * *

 _Three hours later..._

Miia sat next to Kazuma, occasionally taking glances at him as he played through his game, the silence he gave off as he blew up a helicopter making Miia swish her tail back and forth in nervousness. Did he not like her? Did he hate monsters? Was he as nervous as she was? She had been nervous since she left Miss Smith and met the person willing to host her. He was an eccentric, odd young man; and was that an understatement. Her mouth felt dry, nervousness making her tail swish hard enough to nearly tip over the table. Kazuma paused his game and looked over at her, making her even more nervous as he gave her a look that made the question die down in her throat.

"Hey. Miia, you okay? You've been swishing your tail around for nearly an hour." Kazuma poked her with his prosthetic pointer finger, the cold metal snapping Miia from her mind and making her shiver. She looked at him, her slit, yellow snake eyes looking into his light brown. He gave her a playful smile, white teeth like the color of snow beaming. Miia felt her cheeks heat up when he reached over with his right arm and rubbed her head softly.

"Hey, you're awake!" Kazuma cheered. "As I was saying before I poked you, are you okay? You seem… distant. Not counting the three hour silence, of course."

Miia started to push the tips of her index fingers together nervously. "Mister Kazuma-"

"It's just Kazuma. No need for formalities." Kazuma corrected. "I'm not into being called mister or sir like my dad." He muttered under his breath: "I hated the bastard anyway; damned general."

"Kazuma," Miia corrected, the thumping of her tail became deafening as she asked him the question she really wanted to know. "Do you like monsters?"

Kazuma smiled as wide as possible and said with a laugh, "Like monsters?" Miia flinched, "I love monsters! They are literally the coolest thing in the world! They have television shows, literature, and comics dedicated to them! Half my library is monster books, so before we even knew about their existence, they were the coolest thing in literature!" Kazuma prattled on and on, not knowing that the Lamia tuned him out as she receded into her thoughts.

Miia couldn't help but smile. He actually didn't mind that she was a monster. She had been nervous about it before she left her mother and when Miss Smith pulled the car up to a warehouse. She had heard about people who were unwillingly asigned to house a monster in their homes and treating them terribly.

"What's your favorite food?" Miia asked, interrupting Kazuma's babble about everything that monsters were in. Kazuma looked at her and, glad she was opening up to him, said: "Udon. How about you?"

"Eggs!" Miia said, becoming more cheerful than Kazuma had ever seen her. He smiled and put his controller on his wooden table, turning to Miia and placing his mechanical leg over his knee. "So, let's get to know each other a little better Miia. You ask me any one important question and two miscellaneous questions that you want to know, I'll answer it and then I ask a question. How's that sound?" Miia nodded her agreement and put her finger to her cheek in thought. What questions did she want answered about him? She had so many but didn't know which to choose. Her eyes got drawn to his mechanical limbs again and it came to her but she knew it'd be rude to ask him.

"Ah, I see," Kazuma said, reaching for his prosthetic arm and removed it from the socket in the manner of normality one would normally not associate with him and handed Miia the prosthesis, a highly customized robotic arm with steels plates of metal welded to the frame, an iron exoskeleton with copper and colored wires in the middle. Miia held the arm and looked at it in fascination; to think that he had to use something so light and cold to replace his own arm. Miia shuddered at the thought of sich a thing happening to her. Kazuma smiled and poked the palm.

"It was originally an M.P.L. prosthetic limb before I 'tampered' with it," Kazuma said, gliding his right hand down the smooth metal. "Customized it myself, you know? I added twenty six more joints and increasing it's strength to lift two hundred pounds." Kazuma started to feel weird talking about his arm. "But I paid someone to do that for me, so don't go to thinking I'm some eccentric genius or something along the lines. I'm just an ordinary joe."

Miia couldn't help but giggle at the irony.

"But I suppose you wonder how it works." Kazuma went on, "Anyway, after my accident, I had to have surgery to remap the remaining nerves from my lost limbs allowing brain signals to be sent to the socket, which is designed to pick up brain signals to control the metallic arm just like a fleshy real one." Kazuma took a very deep breath and stopped talking. For a few seconds of course; he couldn't stand silence and usually ended up talking to him self.

Miia looked around while Kazuma talked to himself, taking in the interesting things he had around to keep herself busy; he was muttering to himself about double checking some list and decided to act serious for the questions.

Miia broke the silence after a few minutes. "Do you like movies, Kazuma?"

"Like movies?" Kazuma asked. "Yes, I like to think myself an entropreneur of cinematography. What do you want to know?"

"What is your favorite movie?" The Lamia asked.

"Forrest Gump. Greatest piece of cinema that can never be topped ever for all time."

"Favorite band. I like ANM48. They're really good!"

"Avenged Sevenfold. They're also good."

With Miia's questions about him used up for the day, Kazuma turned and said: "Now it's my turn!"

Kazuma smirked, making the Lamia next to him nervous about his question. A few seconds passed by before he handed her a controller. "Want to play? Whoever loses has to make dinner.", he asked. Miia took the controller and turned it on, a smile forming across her lips.

"You're going down!" Miia said with challenge, making Kazuma narrow his eyes in response.

"Oh, it is so on." He said, emphasizing each word and starting the game. Eh, they'll get to know each other some more later. Who knows? This could be the start of a great friendship…

 _Eight uneventful weeks later..._

'MAN THE HELMS! DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!'

Kazuma woke up to the familiar Saxon alarm followed by the engines of the TARDIS, his light brown eyes glancing over at his alarm clock and shutting it off with a click of the button. He caught sight of red hair out of the corner of his eye and sat still. Well, that explained why he couldn't feel his body. Miia had, for the third time in a week, cuddled up with Kazuma in his bed, a contented smile across her sleeping face, her chin touching his shoulder. Somewhere along the line, from allowing her into his home, to feeding her, changing his home to suit her, telling her that monsters are awesome, and reading books and watching movies together, Miia somehow developed feelings for him. It was weird, given the fact they only knew each other for eight weeks.

Still, while Miia had feelings for him, Kazuma had the knowledge to know that humans and monsters aren't allowed to so he needed to focus on that more than anything else. Besides the fact that she called him Darling (she found the soap opera channel on the television), everything was fine. Even waking up with a numb lower body wasn't so bad; he finally had someone to talk to besides the pizza guy.

Kazuma shook her shoulder a bit, attempting to wake her up. "Miia. It's morning. Wake up."

Miia groaned as she partially woke up, frowning and keeping her eyes closed. "Uhhh, five more minutes. I mean, five more degrees." Kazuma sighed and threw his comforter off the bed, looking at his legs, completely constricted in Miia's tail. He struggled for a few seconds, but Miia's strength prevailed. Again.

"Miia, if you don't get up then I can't get up either." Miia reluctantly unraveled her tail enough so Kazuma could sit up and stretch. "Why are you in my bed anyway?"

Miia placed the bottom of her palm to her lower cheek, all of her fingers closed, her yellow reptilian eyes looking at him with care. "It was cold and I could warm myself up," Miia purred. "So I figured I'd use you for it, Darling. I'm a pokilotherm, after all."

After he wondered if he was just a heat pack, Kazuma crawled free from Miia's red tail and stepped over her body, attempting to get some alone time. "Well, in that case, I'll go warm up your bath." Kazuma said nervously, knowing that he was so close. All he wanted to do was play an hour of Metal Gear Solid V and a movie. Is that too much to ask for?!

The end of Miia's tail wrapped around his throat and pulled him back to the bed and into her cleavage, Miia crying out "No way!" as she did, his shout of protest silenced as his windpipe was squeezed partly shut. Miia clutched Kazuma tightly into her breasts, his face red as her cleavage started to slide from her yellow nightshirt. Miia leaned her cheek onto Kazuma's forehead and closed her eyes. Apparently it's the most costly thing he could've asked for…

"I want you to warm me up, Darling." She cooed, pulling Kazuma's face deeper into her chest. They sat there for a few minutes, Kazuma held in Miia's ever tightening embrace and his face glowing red as a neon sign. After Miia absorbed enough o his heat, she sighed and she pulled him closed, her face crimson red. "Ah, so warm," she moaned, "I can feel my heat rising…" Miia's breasts were out of the shirt now, her pink nipples exposed. Kazuma shifted, trying to keep himself from doing something stupid, but as he moved one of Miia's nipples poked Kazuma's eye.

'Ah, shit!' Kazuma cursed in his thoughts. 'My eye! I'm blind!'

Like any person who just got poked in the eye, Kazuma's response was to shout out and clutch what hurt. Still, going blind from tits wasn't a bad way to lose your sight.

But of course, with a snake girl using you as a heat pack and clutching you tightly, there was no such option so Kazuma just sat there for five minutes with an irritated watery eye until Miia's tail constricted his throat completely, cutting off his breathing. Kazuma tapped Miia. Miia groaned in her sleep and pulled Kazuma's face inbetween her breasts. "Oh darling, don't be so rough!", the Lamia moaned in her sleep, a blush on her face.

You have got to be kidding me...

"Oh, come on," Kazuma choked out, slapping the side of Miia's tail. "How are you asleep?!" Kazuma started to slowly turn purple. The lawyer reached for his throat, tugging at the strong reptilian appendage, digging his fingers into the small gap and tugging with everything we had. Which wasn't alot. Kazuma managed to slip his arm down the side of Miia's tail that was constricted around his throat and pulled it off, gasping for air as he was finally able to breathe.

"Holy crap!" Kazuma said, his voice hoarse. "People actually pay for this kind of thing while they're in the shower?" Kazuma paused. "Mother of God, I sound like Solid Snake..." There are times where cigars should be necessary. Now was this time. "Kept you waiting, huh?" Metal Gear aside, Kazuma knew that when Miia clutched to him that there was no escape unless she let's him free from her tail's steel grip. Getting comfortable, Kazuma placed his head on his pillow and closed his eyes so he could go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day...


	3. Update!

Aegis: Hey guy! It's Aegis. It's been awhile so I'm taking a break from studying because you deserve a reason why my uploads have been slow. So, the reason my uploads have been slow or nonexistent is because I've recently entered medical school (Go ahead. Get the "Nerd!" out of your systems.), and I've been studying my ass off like crazy. If I had known that med school was going to cut into my writing, I would've picked something else because this is what I enjoy. So, yeah. That's it.

?: Are you sure about that?

Aegis: *Facepalms* Son of a bitch, not these guys again...

*Seven men enter the room, surrounding the author*

Kazuto: You better get to writing. You and I have a long road ahead of us.

Michael: You? What makes you so important than the rest of us?

Kazuto: I don't know about you, _Ice Queen_ , but some of us have been here longer than you. Veterans first

Kazuma: Yeah, what the hell! Suddenly you're more important than us?

Kazuto: Kazuma, shut up! You spend most of your off time in your underwear so I don't see what makes you so special.

Michael: Daaamn! He told you!

Kazuma: Ah, shut up Michael. You're just a glorified Kamina.

Aegis: Come on guys, stop it! This is getting old!

Soldier 76: Is this when I make a debut?

Takehito: *Filming in the back, chuckling* This shit is _soo_ going on YouTube!

Jason: *Lights a cigarette and walks next to Aegis, placing a hand on the author's shoulder and making a ball of lightning in the palm of his right hand* How about you let me worry about these idiots, and you get back to writing?*

Aegis: Okay. *Goes to his laptop and finishes the update*

Thank you for understanding!


	4. A Visit

Chapter three: A Visit

Disclaimer: I do not own Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou

* * *

Kazuma sat on his couch in front of the television wearing notbing but his boxers, a bottle of Irish whiskey in his right hand, his prosthetic left hand clenching and unclenching as he attempted to calm himself down. He reread the headline over and over and over again, the very name mentioned bringing pure rage to his heart: **Vasile Tepes Not Guilty**

' _Today members of the jury have released Vasile Tepes, a prominent member of the Tepes family and CEO of Tepes Industries, with a verdict of not guilty. Vasile had been charged with 18 counts of drug trafficking, 22 counts of human trafficking, 11 counts of illegal immigration of Extra-Species, 34 counts of arms dealing, 4 counts of arson, 14 counts of attempted murder, and one count of murder. Vasile was unavailable for a comment on his freedom but-'_

Kazuma threw the whiskey across the room, the shattering of green-stained glass creating a sprinkling shower that littered the floor next to the television, alcohol staining the wall.

The former lawyer stood up from his grey linen couch, his body shaking in fury as he began to walk around, taking several deep breaths all in an attempt to calm himself down, to prevent him from losing his temper or punching something. He wanted to shout, he wanted to scream, and he wanted to punch everyone on the jury. How in the hell could those corrupt morons let that bastard free?!

After a few minutes of meaningless waking around and his anger not abiding, Kazuma could not retain his wrath any longer and punched the nearest thing as hard as he could. Which, in this case, happened to be the wall that seperated the kitchen from the living room. He pulled his hand out of the hole, his knuckles scraped badly and bleeding just as bad, but his anger had subsided somewhat.

Somewhat.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, collapsing to the linoleum floor with his back against the wall, hopelessness filling his very being. The man who ruined so many lives got away scot free. Again.

"My, such violence for a pacifistic lawyer." Came a sarcastic and snide comment from a familiar voice in the kitchen behind him.

Kazuma pulled himself from the floor, walking into his kitchen where he wasn't surprised to see Agent Smith sitting in a chair, having already helped herself to some coffee.

"How long have you been there?" He asked, somewhat nervous now that a government agent had just witnessed his outburst.

"Long enough." Smith answered cooly, finishing the rest of her coffee and peering over his shoulder, looking at his flat screen, the report on Vasile's trial still going on. "I take it you disagree with the verdict?"

Kazuma snorted. "That's putting it lightly."

"Old history?" Smith asked, lowering her sunglasses and peering at him.

"It's a long story." Kazuma answered, walking to the fridge and pulling the door open, grabbing a can of tomato juice.

"Oh?" He had piqued her interest. "Care to enlighten me?"

"No." He popped the tab open and took a sip. "Why are you here?"

"So rude!" Smith cried, feigning to be hurt. "Can't you be glad that I'm here?"

Kazuma crossed his arms and turned his gaze to her. "You want breakfast, don't you?"

Smith waved her coffee mug. "And more coffee please."

Kazuma walked over and took the mug from Agent Smith's hand and stomped over to the coffee pot, filled the cup to the brim, and returned the cup to the government agent's hand.

"So," Kazuma began as he pulled a seat and sat in front of Agent Smith, staring into her brown eyes, "You undoubtedly came here for a reason, because for an agent of the government to drive all the way to my warehouse in the middle of dense forest, they better have a reason. Right?"

"My, you're awfully perceptive." Smith teased, a smile spreading across her lips.

"I was a lawyer." Kazuma replied. "It came with the job description." He crossed his arms over his bare chest. "Why are you here?"

Smith crossed her arms too, though it wasn't as menacing since she wrapped them under her bust, which, naturally, drew Kazuma's attention "I decided to pay you a visit, see how you two are getting along."

"Uh huh." The lawyer hummed, still staring. "Could you, I don't know, uncross your arms? It's just a little distracting."

"Why?" Smith asked with a smirk. "See anything interesting? "

"I will neither deny nor confirm that until you talk to my lawyer."

"But you're a lawyer."

Kazuma opened his mouth to speak before scowling when he realized her point. "Touché..."

Smith chuckled and adjusted her sunglasses. "Now, onto business."

"Fine by me."

"As your coordinator, it is my job to make sure the host and their guest are getting along." Smith took another sip of her coffee. "On that note, how are things between you and Miia?"

Kazuma breathed in deeply, his thoughts of the past eight weeks he had spent around the Lamia. "It's going better than expected."

"Oh? And what do you mean by that?"

"Before all this, before her, I preferred being alone. Convinced myself I'm better off that way." Kazuma smiled a bit. "But Miia? She's definitely different. She doesn't look at me and see a helpless amputee, so I guess you could say it's been an enlightening experience."

Smith leaned over the table and gave him a look that would have been a little unnerving if he hadn't gotten used to death stares from old rivals. So, naturally, he met her gaze with a cocky grin.

""Enlightening" can mean many things, you know?"

 _And_ , there goes a nice conversation!

"What? What the hell are you on about?"

"Is it not so obvious?" The government agent smirked as she sat back down, much to Kazuma's ire.

The lawyer stood from his seat, walking over to the cupboard to grab something to eat, all the ehile waiting for the government agent to stop speaking in riddles. Smith, unable to pass up the opportunity to at least see something interesting, leaned to the right in her chair to get view of the cupboard.

What she saw was a tad bit surprising.

Scars lined his back, a terrible collage of scar tissue that varied from wound to wound. He had several circular scars of gunshot wounds scattered like landmines, twice as many cuts and slices dotting the board, and more burns than the rest.

'He should be dead.' Smith thought, going back to sitting in the chair normally so that he didn't know she saw anything. He walked back to his seat, three cans of Pringles in his arms, the amputee taking his seat.

"Now, what were you saying?" He questioned, opening a can and taking a big handful of crisps. "Something about "enlightening?""

"Has Miia made any advances on you? As I'm sure you know now, Lamias tend to be a passionate type."

"Ha! Passionate's not the word for it."

"As a representative of her species, losing her virginity to a human would be a diplomatic issue."

"Yeah. I read the law."

"So." Smith sipped her coffee. "Did you fuck her yet?"

Kazuma looked at her in complete disbelief. "No. I didn't."

It was Smith's turn to be astonished. "Really? Haven't even thought about it? Sure, she's half snake but she's got a nice figure."

"I was a lawyer. Virginity came in the job description. "

The government agent sat in silence for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'm not surprised." She removed her glasses and got in the former lawyer's personal space, a seductive and sexy look on her face. "You seem to be near impossible to seduce..."

Kazuma smiled and took the same seductive look Smith had, getting closer to her than she had to him, their noses almost touching."You're playing a dangerous game here, Miss Smith. Flirting happens to be a double-edged sword, in case you didn't know."

A flustered Smith with a face as red as a beet backed away from him, accusingly murmuring: "Y-You are not the same person you're file suggests you are."

"Hmmm." Kazuma hummed. "You're awfully perceptive."

He shrugged, going back to eating crisps and acting like nothing ever happened. "Don't worry. I'm not like this all the time; I'm just off my meds until the refill gets here."

Smith cleared throat, attempting to regain her composure. "I have one more thing to go over before I have to attend to another exchange family."

"Ask away."

Agent Smith sipped her coffee for the third time. "How have you been integrating Miia into human society?"

Kazuma sweatdropped. "Pardon?"

She facepalmed. "Please tell me that you haven't been sitting for the past eight weeks doing absolutely nothing but watch TV and eat?"

"Umm. Nooooooooo?"


	5. A Date and an Accidental Reunion

Chapter 4: A Date and and Accidental Reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou

* * *

"We're here!"

Kazuma placed the car in park, pulling the key from ignition and took a moment to admire his parking job, even though he was one of the very few people in a handicapped spot. He pulled the car door handle and pushed his door open, grabbing his blue sling backpack and his walnut stained beechwood cane then stepping out of the car. Slamming the door shut, he walked to the other side of the car and opened Miia's door, offering his hand to her the way a person would a figure of royalty.

"Shall we?" He asked, one of his brilliant smiles gracing his lips.

Miia took his hand, her cheeks pink. "T-Thank you, Darling..."

Kazuma lifted Miia from her seat and lowered her to the cool concrete gently, the Lamia slithering to a distance so that the long lower half of her body had fully left the backseat so that Kazuma could shut her door. He pat the roof of his car, a midnight blue 2015 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution, whispering: "Take care, old friend. I'll be back soon." before jogging over to Miia, offering his right arm to her, the Lamia gladly looping her arm through his.

"Where to first?" He asked, his smile degrading into a lopsided grin.

Miia put a finger to her cheek in thought before finally answering: "I don't know..." Kazuma sweatdropped, his hopes of her planning their outing dashed, but then she gave him a smile and pulled him closer, squeezing him tight. "It doesn't matter to me where we go as long as I'm with you, Darling!"

Kazuma's smile returned, the former lawyer reaching over with his prosthesis and poking her nose, the cold metal making her shiver.

"Darling!" She cried. "You're hand is cold!"

Kazuma chuckled, enjoying what little teasing he could get in. "I couldn't help it! You're adorable!"

Glad that his teasing had more effect on her than her flirting had on him, the former lawyer dragged ahead of the Lamia, pulling a brown leather glove over his prosthetic hand, eager to get their outing started.

"Come on! We can't have our date in a parking enclosure."

 _*Ten minutes later*_

"I can't believe it took ten minutes to validate my parking." Kazuma grumbled, rather annoyed. "I'm a cripple, not a liar..."

Kazuma walked, more like limped, behind Miia, the Lamia taking in the sights of the town with amazement that never ceased to amaze him while he pouted because he had to pay one thousand yen to get a new handicap card on the fly because his wasn't up to date. But, in the end, the Lamia's singing made his bitterness nonexistent and broke the monotony of the average people around him, and made the beginning of the their "date" more enjoyable.

 _It's a date~_

 _A date~_

 _We're on a date~_

 _I'm on a date with my darling~_

Kazuma smirked, completely aware that people were watching, and picked uo his pace to catch up with Miia, placing a hand on the top of the red beret with gold accents she was wearing and pat her head. "Alright, alright, I think the whole world knows that we're out on a date."

She turned to him, her amber reptilian eyes meeting the ocean of brown that were his, a small blush forming on her face when she caught look of that brilliant smile he always had. Flustered, she turned away from him and adjusted her outfit, which consisted of a short white jacket on top of a red T-shirt with a belt of buckles and a blue skirt, just so that she could tear herself from his gaze.

While Miia was enjoying herself, Kazuma was listening in on the whispered conversation of people he passed:

 _"Is that a snake-woman?"_ Was a popular question. Apparently nobody had seen a Lamia yet.

 _"Is that her boyfriend?"_ Was the second most popular, despite the laws against any "intimate" relationships with an Extra-Species person and/or persons. Whatever the hell intimate meant in the government's books was beyond him.

"I can't believe no one's commenting on the cane." Kazuma murmured, quite glad that, for once, people weren't focusing on his disability, or his sense of fashion. Granted, he didn't even need the cane to walk by himself, but it helped with long distances or long periods of time.

The two hobbled, and slithered, together for a while before Kazuma pat the Lamia's shoulder and pointed to a building on her right. "You want a bite to eat?"

Miia's stomach growled when she caught the scent of eggs. "Yes please..."

Kazuma had already beat her to it, opening the door for her and letting her go in first before going in himself.

"Welcome home, Master!"

"Oh." Kazuma whispered, clutching his pounding heart, finding himself attempting to recover from the heart attack the little surprise the maid trio gave him. "Well, it looks like we stepped into the Maid-Servant Cafe on accident..."

Kazuma found it hard to not be nervous around the maids that were crowding around him.

"Hmmmm." The maid with red hair hummed, getting into Kazuma's face. Her green eyes peered into his soul. "You look awfully familiar..."

The second maid, the one with blue hair, crossed her arms, her red eyes eyeing him with curiosity. "Have you been here before, sir?"

Kazuma backed away when another maid started to scrutinize him. After a few moments of silence and her staring at him in an attempt to ID him, a mix of recognition, realization, shock, disbelief, and hope dawned on her face before she squeezed the lawyer with a bone-crushing hug, burying her head into his chest, tears forming in her eyes as she clutched onto him.

Miia opened her mouth to object, but Kazuma held up a gloved mechanical hand.

"Kazuma?" The maid with purple hair asked, her voice trembling and echoing her disbelief.

Kazuma smiled, placing a hand on her head and ruffling her hair. "Hey, Masumi." He turned to the other maid. "Good to see you again, Ayumi." He waved to the third maid. "Kagami, how have you been?"

"You jerk!" Masumi shouted, slamming her hand in the center of Kazuma's ribs. She pulled away from him, tears cascading down her pale cheeks, her blue eyes glaring at him. "You disappear for two and a half years and then just decide to show up and act like eveythings normal?! Like you never left?!"

Thankful that it was the Tuesday shift where their were next to no customers and just the three maids in front of him (Tuesday was a slow day for the cafe), Kazuma sighed. Today just had to be Tuesday...

"Get us a table and I'll tell you kiddies a story."

"But-" Kagami started.

"Nooope!" Kazuma howled. "No buts! Do your job first, then you get a story."

"Darling," Miia called, the Lamia drawing his attention, "Do you know them?"

"Oh, a long, long time ago in a distant life." He answered, twirling the handle of his cane around in his hand. He gestured his hand to the three ladies. "Looks like you get to learn more about me today, Miia."

Kazuma pinched the bridge of his nose. Looks like it's a date and a story.


End file.
